So, I had an altercation at book group last night (I’m just too dang opinionated. Gotta stop that.), which has made me stop and think about what I expect to get out of a book group. In the process of musing about this, I thought I’d ask those of you who drop by: do you attend a book group? Why? What do you want to get out of it?
Thanks.
The Book Nut 
I think what I really want is friends who also like books. I don’t usually feel as if I click well at those meetings–the discussions don’t go as deep as they would in a classroom, and I am interested in the academic side. I usually have to temper my comments so I don’t sound like I’m showing off (even writing that sounds like I’m showing off). But I do want to be with other people who love books, and some good friendships can come out of book clubs.
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Well, I go for the altercations that may arise between various group members. I’ll have to move to Kansas to go to yours. 🙂
Actually, I go to book groups when there is one around, and I go to discuss the book. I don’t go to hear one person take over the conversation, even if it is about the book. I don’t go to hear about anyone else’s children, job, opinions, or politics unless they are directly related to the book (therefore, you can’t ever talk about your children).
I go for intelligent conversation about topics that women rarely seem to bring up. And if that creates an disagreement, that’s okay. At least we were talking and thinking about something new.
But I think lots of women like to discuss other things at book clubs.
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Amira, you’d never last at this book group. They’re not in for altercations at all. I agree with you, for the most part (I don’t have objections if the conversation strays a bit from the book): I don’t have a problem if discussions get a little heated. I like to talk about the books, and read challenging books, even if I don’t like them. (The one the other night was not about a said book but about my opinions on books as we were choosing the reading list. One woman felt attacked, because I had an opinion on most of the books people were recommending.)
I wish I could talk academically about books, inkling, but I’m just not a critical enough reader. But I do enjoy listening to people who do read books that way.
All this is making me think I need to find a new book group…
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I attend our book group because I like those ladies and they always have something interesting to say. And being an old English major, I love to read a good book and discuss it
If you start a new book group, here’s a suggestion that worked for ours. We have a widely diverse set of literary preferences among the women in our group. Deciding as a group what should be on the reading list would be a nightmare. So instead we have a basket and a bunch of 3 x 5 cards. There are about 8 of us. Each of us puts one title on a card and puts it in the basket. Then, each month, someone draws the a title of a book. We draw it two months ahead of time so that people have a month to find a copy through interlibrary loan and a month to read it. (So the first month we drew two titles, one to find quickly for the next month’s discussion, and the other to find more slowly for two months down the road.) When the basket is down to its last title we start the process anew.
In other groups I’ve been in the politics and interactions involved in choosing books has often been a battle of egos and opinions. In this one there hasn’t been any of that. It’s been nice.
And the variety of the books I’ve read over the past four years as a result amazes me.
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I started going to the book group sponsored by the library, also the only book group in town. It started out well. The books were challenging and different from ones I normally chose, the discussions interesting and they provided me with an ‘out’ from other aspects of life. Slowly the makeup of the group changed and the books became fluffier. I quit going for a while. I went in Sep because they were choosing new books for 2007. It was quite awful. A new lady dominated the whole time telling us about the chicken she’s caring for, the cats, the rooster, yakety, yak, yak. I wanted to scream. Can you even imagine?! I have to go back in Nov. because I’m leading the discussion, but that may be the last time for me.
Sorry that ended up being a long rant.
And if I haven’t already said enough, let me add a bit more?! I would like a group where every member felt they could express their thoughts about the book without feeling offending if someone else felt differently. I like sharing a favorite part, or a troublesome spot or an idea that was presented in an interesting way. I like to imagine the same book from others’ perspectives. I think a book group with inkling, amira and you would be a fun group. Can we all decide on a common spot and meet once a month?
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Mary — that sounds like an absolutely wonderful way to choose books. No contention, and everyone will eventually get to read a book they picked. I’d suggest it to our book group, but since I’m still on the rebound from offending once, I’ll probably keep it to myself for a while…
booklogged — I can totally relate to bad book group experiences… (I seem to create them, too!) I guess that’s why I value my little blog. Because, in a way, it’s a book group with interesting women (mostly) who have interesting things to say about books. (And that’s why I get put out when I’m invaded by annoying anonymous comments.) Unfortunately, it doesn’t get me out of the house at least once a month, which is also what I need. So, for now, I’ll have to be happy with the imperfection of a book group in person, rather than the virtual one I have here.
Besides, I think we’re all a bit spread apart to meet once a month. Maybe once a year?
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Going back to my theme: I don’t know if you can really have an academic conversation about books with people who haven’t been trained in an academic atmosphere. In a classroom (I’m thinking college classroom here) you know you are there to discuss the book. You have academic things at stake in the discussion. There is someone in charge (even if the teacher is just a facilitator for the discussion, which can be good or bad.) But for a group of women from very different backgrounds academically, and especially when they come from a like background socially that does not invite contradiction (YOU know), to have a purely intellectual discussion isn’t really feasible. Most people I think do not read for the ideas, but for the emotions they feel while they are reading. They read for the connections. And they attend book groups for a similar reason–they want to connect. Which is exactly how we draw non-readers into reading at school. And then you slip in the big ideas, connect them to the emotions, tah-duh! Well, that’s the theory, anyway. Can you tell I’ve been at literacy meetings lately?
And I’m really not that intellectual about it, but I like to draw connections between texts–and most people I know consider that showing off.
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I’m not completely satisfied with my book group, either, even though I really like all the women in it; two in particular are very close friends of mine. But we always seem to end up talking about kids and school and anything but the book. And when we do talk about the book we don’t get deep enough. Maybe, like Inkling, I’d prefer a more academic discussion, though I never thought of it that way before. I do like to toss around words like “structure” and “prose” and “foreshadowing” but then, yeah, I feel like I’m showing off.
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So, mabye what I should do is take a lit class at the university my hubby teaches at and just enjoy the book group for the night out.
And stop whining, right? 🙂
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Melissa – interesting post. I have been in several different book clubs throughout the years and often find myself frustrated at the “fluff.” I wasn’t an English major but I appriciate intelligent discuss about a book. In addition to my regular montly book group with girlfriends that live nearby, I started up an online book group with booklover friends from all over. We’ve just finished our first book and I feel like it is working out really well! It’s a pretty random group of people but we all take literature pretty seriously are and interested in getting deeper into a book than you can in just a couple hours a month. Anyway, if you want to check it out, there is a link to it on my blog 🙂 I am enjoying reading your thoughts!
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