Adult Fiction

Two Gentlemen of Verona

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by William Shakespeare
ages: adult
First sentence: “Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus: Home-keeping youth have never homely wits.”
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I picked this one because our local Shakespeare company is doing it this month (we’re going this weekend to see their production). And, because it was a comedy. Though — to be completely honest — I kind of got this one mixed up with The Merchant of Venice. I kept expecting Shylock to show up…

As for this one (no merchants) the plot goes thusly: A couple of rich, pampered boys from Verona (the two gents of the title) — Valentine (which my girls — who watched/read with me — said that’s a really stupid name) and Proteus — are basically hanging out.  Proteus has a girl — Julia — and is giving Valentine a hard time for not having one. So, when Valentine leaves to go see the world (oh, bully for him), he ends up in Milan at the court of the Duke/Emperor (Shakespeare couldn’t decide) and falls head over heels in love with Silvia (who kept coming in amid fanfare and flower petals in the version we watched). Everything is all happiness. That is (cue sinister music here), until Proteus gets sent away to Milan to the Duke/Emperor’s house and meets Silvia and falls head over heels in love with her.

At which point we were all like: “DUDE! You just professed your love to JULIA. You GAVE HER YOUR RING. Which has to be ALL kinds of serious in Shakespeare, RIGHT?? WHAT are you THINKING???”

So, Proteus decides to get Silvia — who, to her credit, is really in love with Valentine — to like him honestly. Failing that, he decides to go to her father, make up some slanderous story about Valentine, and get him exiled. Which wins him the award for Worst Best Friend EVER. After which, Valentine goes to the forest and becomes king of the outlaws.No joke. No, we didn’t understand that, either.

Proteus tries again with Silvia the Old-fashioned Way, by singing a terrible sonnet at the foot of her balcony at midnight. Hey, if it worked for Romeo… However, since Silvia really is True To Valentine, she runs into said forest (it is a Shakespeare comedy, after all). Whereupon Proteus chases her and tries to force himself on her.By this point, Julia, who Can’t Live Without Him, has disguised herself as a boy and ran off to Milan in search of her True Love. And discovers him singing to Silvia.That doesn’t go over well with her. Heart broken, she runs into the forest as well.

Yep. It’s a Shakespeare comedy were everyone ends up in the forest. Didn’t see that coming. At all.

Anyway, Proteus is out being a total douchebag, when the outlaws catch him and drag him to Valentine, who decides to get all (rightly) ticked off at Proteus. And Julia’s there — in a very bad disguise by the way — heart breaking, and Silvia’s crying, and it’s just a mess. Somehow it all gets straightened out, and Julia gives Proteus his ring back by accident whereupon he remembers her (WHAT?!?) and she FORGIVES him (WHAT?????) and la-di-da everyone lives happily ever after.

If you didn’t get it from reading this far, we were kind of MEH about this one. There’s so much not right with this play. Maybe the local company will make it work for me, but we’ll see. Go see Much Ado About Nothing instead. It’s SO much better.

Audiobook: Emma

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by Jane Austen
read by Michale Page
ages: adult
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After I finished listening to this one, I went back and read what I wrote after finishing last time and I pretty much still feel the same way. Mr. Knightly is still practically perfect (and still only Jeremy Northam in my mind), Emma is still silly and snobbish, Harriet is still under-served in this story (and quite silly as well). It’s still quite amusing, and very, very true to life.  Austen really is a master observer, and

The reading was fantastic as well. I had issues with his voices at first — can’t quite seem to let my movie voices go — but as it went on, I fell in love with the way he portrayed everyone. The character that stood out to me the most this time around was Mrs. Elton; Page captured her perfectly in all her snobby pretentious absurdity. Miss Bates was more annoying when listening to the book; I realized that most of the time I just skim what she’s saying, instead of listening to every single detail. I’ve never been worse for it, either.

Do I think it’s Austen’s best work? Possibly. Did I get anything new out of this re-read? Not really. But I thoroughly enjoyed revisiting Emma again.

One for the Money

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by Janet Evanovich
ages: adult
First sentence: “There are some men who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever.”
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While I’ve been aware of the powerhouse that Janet Evanovich is (that woman puts out a least a book a year!), I’ve never really had that desire to read her. Perhaps it’s because of my NY Times-best seller aversion, or perhaps it’s because I rarely do mysteries. But whatever the reason, I only picked one up because a nice woman in my (now-defunct) in-person book group insisted she was a lot of fluffy fun.

So, for those under the rock (I don’t know how many of you are there): Stephanie Plum is an out-of work, divorced, nearly 30-something woman in Trenton, New Jersey. She’s not been able to find a new job, and she’s run out of things to hock for rent money, so she turns to her cousin Vinnie, who runs a bail bond company. She takes on the biggest case she could: apprehending former cop Joe Morelli, who’s been accused of murder. Of course he’s innocent — we can’t have the sexy cop be guilty, now, can we? — and Stephanie gets herself in some deep trouble — rapists and murderers, oh my —  as she tries to bring Morelli in.

The woman was right: this is fluff. I don’t think I felt my IQ falling while reading it, but I didn’t find much redeeming about it, either. Except maybe her portrait of Trenton in the mid-90s? I also didn’t find that I was enthralled by it, either. I would read a few chapters, put it down and read a few books before looking at it and thinking, “Yeah, I probably ought to read a bit more.”  Maybe it just wasn’t my cup of tea. But, honestly: I don’t see the appeal of this series (Eighteen books? Really?). One is more than enough for me.

Audiobook: The Castle of Otranto

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by HoraceWalpole
Read by Tony Jay
ages: adult
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 It starts out on as a happy day for Manfred, the lord of the Castle Otranto. His only son, Conrad, is going to be married to Isabella. However, right before the wedding, Conrad is mysteriously killed by falling helmet. Weird, right? That’s only the beginning: Manfred, distraught, does the only thing possible (huh??) and decides that, to insure his lineage will go on, he will marry Isabella. (Yeah, Manfred does have a living wife. And a daughter.) Isabella (rightfully) escapes (go girl!) with the help of a peasant, Theodore. Whom Manfred locks in the tower. Theodore’s rescued by Matilda, Manfred’s daughter (you’ve gotta love the pluck of these girls. The novel was published in 1764), and sent off to help Isabella. After almost nearly killing her father (who appeared out of nowhere, really), they head back to the castle to confront Manfred and the ghosts that have been haunting him.

It’s a melodramatic, over-the-top novel. But, I really had a great time with it. The best part of this one was the narrator. Jay was fabulous. I found myself gripped in the thralls of what I would have otherwise  found to be a boring, hard to understand novel. I found myself listening in the car because Jay was so captivating.

And that made all the difference for me.

Where’d You Go Bernadette?

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by Maria Semple
ages: adult
First sentence: “The first annoying thing is when I ask Dad what he thinks happened to Mom, he always says, ‘What’s most important is for you to understand it’s not your fault.'”
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Bernadette Fox is one of those enigmas that drive Soccer Moms crazy. She’s a recluse, she’s  doesn’t involve herself in the PTO, she has impeccable fashion sense, and she’s talented. All of which adds up to jealousy and gossip.

As told from Bernadette’s 14-year-old daughter Bee’s point of view, here are the events that led up to Bernadette’s disappearance:

1. Seattle is horrible. (I, personally, can’t vouch for that, but then I never lived there. But it she made a very good case for Seattle being full of a bunch of urbanite wannabes, without the sophistication, which makes for insecure and vicious women.)

2. The neighbor (one of those urbanite wannabes Bernadette calls “gnats”) insists on Bernadette removing ALL of the blackberry bushes from her yard. In the middle of the wettest December ever.

3. In the middle of the neighbor’s party, the entire hillside (where the aforementioned blackberry bushes were) slides down into the house destroying the party (and the house). Which sets neighbor off.

4. Another “gnat” (and neighbor’s best friend) becomes Bernadette’s husband’s admin. With disastrous results.

5. Bee wants to go on a cruise to Antartica. In December (it’s their summer). Which sets off Bernadette’s anxiety.

6. Husband decides (with some prompting by aforementioned admin gnat) that what Bernadette really needs is to be checked into a mental institution.

So, of course Bernadette has little choice but to disappear.

Someone asked me, after reading the jacket blurb, “Is this a sad book?” I can wholeheartedly say: No, it’s not. It’s funny, it’s pointed at those people (women, mostly) who want to pretend to be Sophisticated, it’s a heartfelt exploration of depression and of acceptance. And it’s a testament to a girl’s faith in her mother. It’s a sweet story, if a bit rambling at times, one that I didn’t mind spending a few hours reading. 

The Lost Art of Mixing

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by Erica Bauermeister
ages: adult
First sentence: “Lillian stood at the restaurant kitchen counter, considering the empty expanse in front of her.”
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Sequel to: The School of Essential Ingredients.

When I first saw this one, I thought: “Hey! I like books where food play a part.” And then, “I kind of remember liking School of Essential Ingredients.” And “That’s a happy cover. I think I’ll pick this one up.”

Then I read it.

When I finished, I actually went back and checked my review f Bauermeister’s other book. Two sentences popped out at me:

 “It was more like a series of connected short stories, and because of that, I felt unfulfilled when the story was over.”

and

“It seemed that once their story was done, Bauermeister didn’t quite know what to do with them, and pushed them out of the picture.”

Exactly.

I’m not sure the plot really matters (Lillian is pregnant, there are assorted other Crises and Discoveries), because it’s essentially the same book again. And it’s not that the book was bad. It wasn’t. It was… nice. Good enough to finish, but not good enough to run around saying “YOU HAVE TO READ THIS” to friends.

Which means: I need to do a better job at checking my own reviews before checking books out from the library. That’s why I have this blog, after all!

Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore

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by Robin Sloan
ages: adult
First sentence: “
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After graduation from college, Clay Jannon is ready to take on the world. Except it’s a recession, and there aren’t many jobs out there for him. After a stint as a marketing/advertising designer for NewBagels in San Francisco, Clay finds himself unemployed, wandering around looking through Craigslist for a new job. On one of his daily wanderings, he stumbles upon Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore, which has an opening for a night clerk. He goes in on a whim, and finds himself not only employed, but immersed in an increasingly strange world.

There are two kinds of customers that frequent Penumbra’s — who is, by all accounts, an odd sort of man — store, especially at 2 a.m.: late-night wanderers who buy some of the normal stock, and those wandering in, bleary-eyed, asking for something off what Clay comes to call the Waybacklist. It’s those customers who pique Clay’s imagination, and get his creative juices flowing: just what is the Waybacklist, and what are these customers doing?

It’s that question that sends Clay into a world of codes and cults, of computers and books (Google plays a huge role and is almost a character in itself), of adventures and immortality. It sounds more magical than it is; there isn’t a drop of magical realism, just good programming and smart people figuring puzzles out. Even so, there’s a whiff of fantasy here: as part of everything, Sloan involves sweeping fantasy trilogies and a Dungeons & Dragons-like game but only as a slight framework in which to lean his story about the relationship between books and technology. (The conclusion? We still need both.)

It was a delightful, charming book (I hesitate to call it that, even though it was. It seems that books like this should be Deep and Edgy), one in which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Audiobook: Fragile Things

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by Neil Gaiman
read by the author
ages: adult
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I decided, upon finishing listening to this, that I wouldn’t mind if Neil Gaiman came and narrated my life. He has such a wonderful reading voice, spellbinding on its own, that he could be reading my grocery list, and I would listen, captivated.

But, thankfully, I didn’t have to listen to my grocery list, which would have gotten quite tedious after a while. Rather, I got a collection of some fascinating, some entertaining, some disturbing Gaiman stories. I didn’t love them all, but the ones I liked, I really liked. I think, perhaps, that I like Gaiman in short doses — I absolutely love his stuff for kids — rather than his long novels. So, a collection of stories and poems was just about my speed.

Some of my favorites? “A Study in Emerald,” his take on a Sherlock Holmes story which is weird and wild, and has an absolutely brilliant twist at the end. Or “October in the Chair,” a delightful story personalizing the months of the year and their gathering where they each take turns telling one story, and the story that October (it’s his year) tells. Or “How to Talk to Girls at Parties,” which is a mundane awkward boy party until you realize that they crashed a party of alien girls. Or “Sunbird” which is about an epicurean club who have basically tried eating everything there is to eat. Except for the sunbird. Or, the poem “Instructions”, which is one of my favorite picture books.

Sure, there were some missteps (I had issues with ” The Problem of Susan” and another story, where the sex just felt gratuitous), but for the most part, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this one. Then again, it may have been because I’d listen to Gaiman read anything.

Unchangeable Spots of Leopards

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by Kristopher Jansma
ages: adult
First sentence: “I’ve lost every book I’ve ever written.”
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I’ve been wondering about  how to blog about this ever since I started it, really.  See: it’s not a book where you can tidily sum up the plot, giving you a character arc and a climax. It’s not really a book where the author divulges secrets or sucks the reader in with thrills.

No, it’s more a book of ideas: of lies and truth and the nature of stories.

The things you need to know before going in: 1) the narrator remains nameless, and you never learn his true name. And 2) he’s incredibly unreliable. It’s not like in Code Name Verity, where you learn one side of the story, and then have the second half throw everything into question. No: after the first chapter, you start wondering where the Lies end and the Truth begins. Or, if even there is a Truth to be told.

In fact, about half way through, I ran across this passage, and it struck me that this is the heart of what Jansma was trying to illustrate:

Ours is a new generation of plagiarists. Armed with Wikipedia and Google, we can manufacture our own truths. What else should we expected in an age whenever the real reporters, off in the Middle East, sent back only government-approved messages? Move over Jennings and Murrow. No need for the cold, uninterpreted facts. Make was for Stewart and Colbert! In our era, truthiness is in the dictionary, and Dan Rather got fired for not authenticating the Killian documents. And in his wake we’ve found, twisting and shouting, the Bill O’Reillys and the Chris Matthewses, spinning us sugar-sweet falsehoods. Plagiarism, class, is the new American art form.

He takes this idea — of spinning us what we want to believe — and takes pushes it to the edge, giving us an narrator who is constantly changing the story, the names of the characters themselves, the basic facts. What are we, as readers, to believe?

Well, only one thing: that you won’t be able to put this fascinating novel down.

Audiobook: Pride and Prejudice

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by Jane Austen

read by Josephine Bailey
ages: adult
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I’ve already reviewed Pride and Prejudice here on the blog, so I’m not going to do that again. (Though, looking back, my review really isn’t much of a review.) I picked this one up again because I was inspired to do a reread of all of Austen’s works by A Jane Austen Education.  But, I decided to do something different: listen to it on audio book. (In fact, between that and listening to To Kill a Mockingbird, I’ve decided that I’ll try to listen to classics this year. We’ll see how that goes.)

So. Thoughts.

The narrator was good. Though her Lady Catherine and Mr. Darcy were wrong. I mentioned that to M, and she said that’s because I’ve watched the A&E movie too many times and Colin Firth will always be Mr. Darcy, and no one else will do. She’s right, you know.

I know some of the lines well enough that I can say them right along.

The humor came out really well when I was listening. I catch it when I read, but I actually laughed aloud when listening and that’s something I don’t usually do when I read it.

One of the themes I caught this time was how much appearance matters. They’re always talking about the way people look — whether they give off a good impression, whether they have “goodness” in their “countenance” — and that sat uneasily with me. I try very hard not to judge on my first impression, though I do have to admit that it’s a human trait: we all do it. Even if we think we don’t. The more I think about it, the more I think the original title of this one — First Impressions — is almost more accurate. There’s a lot in here about judging and being judged for they way people (not only yourself, but your family) acts in public. And the sad thing is that it’s still applicable.

It’s still a delightful read, after 200 years and multiple rereads (on my part, anyway). It doesn’t get much better than that.