Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will)
by Chuck Sambuchino
ages: adult
First sentence: “Keep reading if you want to live.”
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You know you have that zombie invasion handbook sitting on your bookshelf. (Or maybe it’s hidden in your personal safe?) But really, zombie invasion? That’s so not happening. The real threat? Those stupid garden gnomes you have in your yard (or if not you, your neighbors). (Yes, I do have one in my backyard, thankyouverymuch.) Thankfully, Chuck Sambuchino has done the research necessary to help you protect yourself (and your friends and neighbors, should you choose to share).

I found this one through Whimpulsive, and knew I had to find a copy for myself. It sounded so hilarious. And in many ways– mostly because it reads like a 1950s bomb shelter advert — it was hilariously funny. There are instructions, illustrated with pictures of gnomes in various attack modes (too funny!), on how to asses the risk of attack and protect and defend oneself against the homicidal maniacs. It’s too far-fetched to even remotely be realistic, but, it also takes itself seriously enough that I could sense myself almost being convinced: yes, I do need to fortify my house! Then I’d do a double-take: it’s only silliness. Ah, the power of propaganda.

At the very least, it’s a fun way to spend an hour. I think I’m going to go check my garden gnome now, though. Just in case.